Shut That Door!

26th March

The perils of live broadcasts are such that as soon as you’d uttered an authoritative prognostication on what has happened or what is about to happen, the evidence of the eyes of the armchair audience completely contradicts your claims. The latest Sky Sports live speedway broadcast of Belle Vue versus Poole provides a master class in this immutable law.

Jonathan Green continues to think that he moonlights on the Weather Channel so he introduces the meeting with “the weather’s perfect for racing – its 11 degrees”. Kelvin looks bored but manages “yeh, it’s a triffic line up tonight” before we cut to Johno out on his track walk. Last week’s meeting mostly mentioned the meteorological conditions when, for example, the Smallmead track was clearly not in an ideal condition for racing so the Sky team preferred to concentrate their analysis on the temperature rather than the deleterious impact on the entertainment on show caused by the poor track conditions. Weirdly as if to somehow compensate, this week all the talk is of the track, perhaps next week it might be the bikes or even something more philosophical. Johno appreciates the Kirkmanshulme Lane circuit in the manner of an expert savouring fine wine, “you can tell by the colour of the track how much they’ve done” before he moves on to provide some real insight (is this allowed in live speedway coverage on Sky?) as to what has actually happened to the surface over the winter “they got rid of the camber on the first bend”. He then enlightens us as to the mystery of why last season when riders went out to the fence to search for the outside dirt line they traditionally became becalmed. Apparently like a trip to Hell, once you crossed the camber “three quarters of the way up” you never came back.

Last season, the Sky cameras appeared to avoid a trip to Belle Vue whenever possible but with the ‘newsworthy’ return of Jason Crump to his stamping ground with his new club Poole, they just can’t get there quick enough. Nigel ‘Statto’ Pearson has dusted off the January 6th issue of the Speedway Star to reveal some news about Jase’s performance from last season, “in 110 races at Kirkmanshulme Lane Jason Crump was first 94 times”. He could have added that he had an 11.42 average, wasn’t excluded home or away and didn’t ever finish fourth at Kirky Lane (and only twice on his travels). Predictably enough Jason wins the first race in which Nigel reports, “Ryan Fisher was miles off the pace”, though - in an unofficial competition for the prize for who can look the most completely out of touch during the meeting - Sergey Darkin runs him very close. In the post race interview, Jason quickly bats off any praise about his own performance and prefers instead to play down the presenters expectations with regards to Edward Kennett’s possible path to becoming British number one. It’s a perspective apparently provoked by the evidence of one race, just because he’d gated excellently in the first race, “you guys in the media just have to give him a break like you should with Freddie Flintoff!” It’s advice Kelvin and Jonathan take immediately to heart in their own way as, throughout the rest of the meeting, they still seek to report all events through the cult of personality and the ‘ultimate goal’ to become British Number One but instead concentrate their efforts on bigging up Simon Stead and James Wright. Without irony and apparently under the impression that this is his role as anchor man, Jonathan Green in the unself-conscious style of a white Home Counties rapper poet tells us, “watch out for Wright cos he’s coming right at the right time”, though given his rather eclectic grasp of the sport we never quite learn what he means exactly. I suspect that he might be referring to the chance of a Wild Card entry to the Cardiff GP. Itself an award that’s always spoken about on Sky Sports in reverential terms as though it’s an accolade on a par with the Nobel Peace prize rather than something decided by John Postlethwaite deep inside his BSI bunker.

Johno has an excellent night as a co-commentator alongside Nigel. He’s the ultimate live broadcast professional – particularly as on air he completely cuts out his usual swear words or trademark dodgy chat up lines – so much so that even if Nigel’s enthusiasm leads him to slightly over gild the lily or play hard and fast with his interpretation of the actualite, Johno doesn’t ever contradict him on air but gently rights the wrong through the subtle juxtaposition of his own comments. However, Johno also reserves the right to march to his own tune and use his own version of the rules to interpret what he sees or thinks he sees. In heat 2, Jason Doyle is excluded by the referee Craig Ackroyd “I don’t think that’s a great decision to be honest”. Johno then blathers on about track problems “ a [new] rut on the first bend” before he develops a parallel and unique ‘putting off’ defence for Doyley, “I can understand the ref, its not a very fair one but I can understand it. Very difficult indeed – it wasn’t binding, the track caused him to lose control…he was correct cos Doyley came off but Doolan did put him off”. Though it’s a nice colour, Johno decides like speedway riders the world over to blame the surface for any shortcomings, “they re-laid this track with a lot of new dirt and it’s chopping up”.

The picture quality and the variety of angles provided by the Sky cameramen creates the impression of lustre and sumptuousness but sadly for the armchair viewer, like a trip to a modern supermarket, there’s so much choice that they don’t know what to choose for the best. Consequently, if there’s an exciting maneouvre to pass at the back of the race you can almost guarantee the camera will be in close up elsewhere so the viewer at home totally misses the action in a way that they wouldn’t necessarily if they were at the meeting (except, of course, for Nigel painting his own word pictures “whoa!”). However, if you’re there you don’t have the benefit of replays but, even if you do, you often still don’t see the vital moments of the action. A case in point was heat 4 when Craig ‘Thumper’ Boyce – whose appearance on the track causes Nigel to invent a whole new hierarchy and league for British speedway “not so long ago he was in the second division with the Isle of Wight” - lost traction on the outside in the non-binding dirt of the track. After the race Johno twice manfully attempts to talk us through the actual incident with the use of action replays from different (supposedly panoramic) camera angles and as soon as he says “we’ll see it just here” the camera cuts away and we don’t see it at all! This happens twice and it’s a mark of his professionalism that he seamlessly carries on as though nothing unusual has happened before he’s saved by the adverts (we never get to see it) and the armchair fan is rewarded with another chance to see this seasons excruciating/condescending attempt to promote the Cardiff GP as though speaking to the mentally challenged.

Not too soon, Nigel welcomes us back to “a fascinating Elite League battle” while Kelvin is confident “Joe [Screen] will like the track conditions – a bit bumpy, bit rutty, plenty of dirt”. In the race itself, things don’t work out as anticipated by the ‘experts’ with Joe stuck at the back before he manages to fall on the second lap. Johno is in no doubt as to the problem, “the track is cutting up more and on the bends it’s getting a bit trickier to ride”. Admirably Nigel Pearson seizes every chance to promote speedway in general to the viewers at home and exhorts them in his own charming way to visit their local track (“speedway is on every night somewhere in the country”). He kindly introduces us to the complicated scoring system that applies in each race (“and nothing for last”) before he mentions the completely inaudible “Belle Vue roar” that has apparently returned after its absence in recent years. He’s also never afraid to read from the promoter’s handbook of stock phrases, “the new Belle Vue management say they have a team of riders who want to ride for Belle Vue”. They’re so keen that Nigel re-emphasizes this again in an echo of himself, “who want to represent Belle Vue”. In an age when loyalty from clubs towards riders is non-existent; when promotional rights are bought and sold with increased frequency; and self employed riders ply their wares for any team in any country in Europe that will hire them, I thought it was widely acknowledged that the only loyalty in speedway is shown by the fans?

After I worried that Sky had already dispensed with their new interviewer Abi after only one meeting (it would be the speedway way since some promoters have already discarded riders though we’ve yet to reach the end of March!) she reappears to interview the sparkling Simon Stead. Having found an ‘open’ question she liked last week and one that appears vaguely insightful, Abi is unafraid to endlessly repeat it, “how did you manage to stay on the bike?” Politely ignoring that he’s a professional and this is his chosen living, Simon helpfully identifies a “rough patch mid bend” as the source of his aggravation. Abi presses on with her final ‘closed’ question, “are you finding you have a lot of pressure on your shoulders this season?” My guess would be that Simon will make light of the “pressure” and relish the challenge and so it proves before we cut back to the smirking Jonathan and sullen Kelvin in the Sky booth. Kelvin doesn’t hesitate to reiterate his and everyone else’s concerns, “the dirt hasn’t had time to bind and below it the surface is slick”. In the booth Johno corrects his earlier prognostications and acutely notes, “the track looks so nice but the dirt hasn’t had time to bind in”.

Nigel regularly enthuses and then, though I can’t see it, claims “there are literally two races in one here”. You have to wonder how the Sky cameramen would cope with such an eventuality. Another trope of Nigel’s work is an obsession with doors that wouldn’t disgrace Larry Grayson (“some riders would have shut the door”) and it’s a theme Johno also quickly picks up on, “it’s so nice to see riders race and respect each other”. When these are the comments you hear you just know that you’re in the process of watching another bread and butter, week-in-week-out televised Elite League encounter as the quest for individual glory in the ‘exciting’ GP’s invariably dispels any of this residual ‘after you sir, no after you sir’ attitude we’re all supposedly to laud and approve of. Before heat 9, Johno continues with his unerring ability to confidently call things completely wrong as Craig ‘using all years of experience’ Boyce jets from the tapes (“Boycies’s got to grip with the track now!”) only to make a total hash of the first bend to swiftly go from first to third before he follows this up with a couple more alfresco mistakes to allow Joe Screen past later in the race. I’d hate to watch what he does if he hasn’t mastered the conditions.

Next up Johno avers “Middlo’s made the right move by bringing Be-Yar-Knee out in black and white given the way he’s been riding” before the Dane completely fails to make the start and eventually finishes third to thereby nullify the use of the Pirates tactical ride. Nigel prefers to concentrate his attentions on James “local lad from Stockport” Wright who has just “closed the door”. In a double header post race J & K interview with “British stars of the future”, James reveals an Aces motivational secret “Chris Morton said if we can beat Bjarne Pedersen we get an extra £100” only for Simon Stead butts in with “each!”

Middlo has also been wheeled out to drum up some excitement for the forthcoming World Cup later in the summer. Though he might say different under oath, Middlo plausibly talks of “goose bumps on parade” and the fact that “supporters don’t realise how important their support is” before he then brushes off any unnecessary early season anxiety about the Pirates performance “you know, it’s a marathon not a sprint in this business!” Vastly experienced and plain speaking Belle Vue team manager, Eric Boocock, marks his first appearance on a live Sky broadcast with some confusion as to which riders he’s actually allowed to use in the nominated race based on both the rules and his calculation of the various scores by the Aces riders. The referee clarifies inchoately so this doesn’t exactly elucidate the situation in the pits or on the armchair. Without even the hint of a swear word Eric calmly notes, “we’ll go back to what we thought of in the first place before we changed our minds and got it wrong again!”

As a “fascinating EL battle” the contest was over before it began and featured a surprisingly easy win for the Aces despite a maximum for Kirkmanshulme Lane returnee Jason Crump. Nigel explains with a prepared analogy that speedway is, in fact, like cricket, “to put it in cricketing terms, its like a batsman that scores a century but still loses the match”

"I wish I was an engine" - speedway returns to the telly

After their winter break Speedway returned to Sky Sports and treated us to a double dose on successive nights of the latest Panthers versus Racerdogs encounter. They say lightening doesn’t strike twice and these programmes were living proof of that adage though they did give absolutely everyone the chance to repeatedly demonstrate their meteorological skills. At least Tony Millard managed to introduce us to the new star of British Speedway, Paddington’s friend, Kenneth “Bear”.

There were a number of new features to the programme and this included the slightly peculiar strap line “the greatest show on dirt”. Something that was trailed beforehand as a revolutionary advance in the technological presentation of the sport – think what Channel 4 did for the viewers appreciation for cricket and then marvel how little Sky accomplish with speedway when they decide to leave Kelvin Tatum, who has just signed a three year contract with the channel, in charge of slow motion pictures with large green arrows on them to aid our understanding. In fact this aid to comprehension is the ‘Sports Writer’ technology used to great effect in the Sky football coverage by Andy Gray. Sadly it doesn’t transfer successfully but then, perhaps, speedway doesn’t quite have the same tactical nuances. On these performances Kelvin falls short of the goals he set himself “part of my job is to de-mystify the sport to new viewers and this tool will help me explain the different race lines used by riders and enhance the coverage generally.”


For the people who don’t comprehend the most basic and long-standing rules of the sport, we’re frequently helpfully told in the tone of voice reserved for a particularly slow witted child that “the home team always ride in red and blue helmet colours”, “there’s an aggregate bonus point up for grabs” (be still my beating heart) and something I really struggled with – the points scoring system – where apparently you get “three points for a win, two for a second and one for third”. Blimey, how are both new viewers supposed to keep up while the rest of us are induced into a state of narcolepsy?

While Sophie Blake is on maternity leave – I don’t think we heard anything on air to explain her ‘mysterious’ disappearance – we’re introduced to the new pits interview lady, someone I eventually gather is called Abbey Griffiths. Though sadly she’s treated like a second half rider since she gets on with her work without any real introduction or fanfare. I did look on the speedway section of the Sky website for more information about her but instead we’re still treated to a photo gallery of Sophie. When she replaced Suzy Perry, there were many priapic viewers who complained that she wasn’t as good. Understandably enough, Abbey made a similar debut and came across as simultaneously nervous, keen but not sufficiently knowledgeable about the sport. By the second night, she’d lost some of her woodenness and relaxed more into her job although whether she’ll embrace her research into the culture of the sport with the dedication and gusto with which Sophie threw herself into it remains to be seen.

Anyway the speedway television season commenced at Smallmead and it was a night notable for the fact that there was absolutely no sign of the usually media spotlight hungry John Postlethwaite. It’s rumoured that he will take a back seat at Reading this year and allow those with many years service at the club to run the show. On screen the stadium looked rather spick and span although the crowd numbers looked somewhere between sparse and meagre if judged by what we saw of the terraces. BSI Reading’s wonderfully original marketing initiative (apart from the popular name change) from the previous season of “kids go free” has now been abandoned for the less well trumpeted but financially more pragmatic “kids U15 £5”. This doesn’t quite slip off the tongue (or out the pocket) so easily and the ‘fans of the future’ were conspicuous by their absence on the shots of the terraces we were treated to.

Kelvin apparently forgets that the BSPA last season appointed an additional layer of officialdom at every Sky meeting. A person whose job it is to essentially rule that almost every meeting goes ahead almost no matter what the conditions are or even what the riders and referee in charge of the meeting think, though graciously they are ‘consulted’. If the motto “rider safety comes first” only receives lip service then the concept of customer entertainment or showcasing the sport at its best are both completely forgotten when these meetings on obviously deficient tracks goes ahead. Kelvin sounds amazed at the English climate, “we’ve had all sorts of weather this afternoon [rain, hale, little bit of snow] but the important thing is that we’re on” although he then does have the good grace to completely give the game away when he admits that the racing “might be a touch processional”. Ultimately, it never fails to astonish that these meetings do actually go ahead on such wet tracks that are completely unconducive to speedway but then the language of the ‘show must go on’ inadvertently gives the lie to our own claims that it’s a genuine sport. Should there be any first time viewers or potential sponsors among the armchair audience they couldn’t help but be un-thrilled by the processional spectacle served up as speedway at Smallmead. Still those valuable commercials must be shown and the rider’s equipment and their kevlars are festooned with sponsor’s logo’s (Meridian Lifts we love you) that must always get their valuable airtime. Plus, it was such a struggle at Reading for crowds last year that the rumoured £3000 Sky payment fee per meeting represents 200 customers at the new de facto oligopolistic Elite League entrance fee of £15.

Jonathan Green has further honed his bombastic presentational style and insight-lite approach over the winter with some additional commentary for Sky on Pool tournaments but he’s in no doubt “ITS GONNA BE A BRILLIANT MEETING”. We’ll probably have to wait a few more meetings before we learn “BOTH SIDES REALLY WANT TO WIN TONIGHT”. Kelvin gives us a brief run through the betting for the Elite League crown to identify possible candidates. His former club the renamed Lakeside Hammers take his fancy as possible contenders because “there’s been massive changes there and I fancy them as outsiders”. With that it’s on with the racing and continuous references to the weather or track conditions from everyone involved to create a kind of weather channel meets gardeners world type atmosphere. Heat 1 has Niels Kristian Iversen fall off in the conditions and the always good value Steve ‘Johno’ Johnson – who they didn’t let go for the traditional track walk on camera beforehand - remarks “look at that! For a rider like Hans Andersen to slide off shows how bad conditions really are” The diminutive Abbey interviews race winner Greg ‘Mr. Nice’ Hancock who’s just about managed to prise his frozen fingers from his handlebars to inform us, “my fingers were kinda chilly, the tracks quite wet and really hard to ride”. The perpetually modest Matej Zagar rides at the back of the field in heat 3 in a manner that suggests he truly belongs in the second half. Johno is quick to identify this “Zagar doesn’t look very comfortable in the conditions” and that he’s “a more untidy rider than anyone else”. When Matej returns to the track in heat 5 he wins so imperiously, Johno is confident he has made “major changes to the bike” though in fact Zagar admits “I didn’t change a thing, its all about the gate” before he outlines his own ‘looking after number one’ philosophy that will gladden the heart of any fan “I don’t want to over-react or do anything silly, it’s only the second meeting of the season”.

Hans Andersen notes “track conditions are a bit tricky” and Tony Millard doesn’t dress it up either “the track’s looking like a ploughed field”. Thankfully one rider relishes the conditions – Travis McGowan. As a team Redin collectively apply the pedal to the metal and apart from Hans Andersen effectively encounter no resistance or, more mysteriously, little use of the tactical options available to them by the Panthers team manager Trevor Swales until their position looks truly hopeless. Like the commentary team and after a lacklustre display from his riders, Trevor admits, “we’ve run out of ideas it’s damage limitation time!” Luckily Hans soon lets us know “tomorrows another night!” Ever keen to ham it up, Jonathan (along with Kelvin) repeatedly presents this encounter - rendered almost meaningless by the conditions and the sheer number of fixtures ahead – as some sort of fight to the glorious death grudge match and an opportunity for Redin to address their Play-Off Final defeat last season. Though this happened within the pre-agreed rules of the sport, this is repeatedly talked of in a manner that might lead you to think that there had been some sort of human rights violation suffered by the Racerdogs that the UN should swiftly adjudicate upon (rather than the use of a tactical ride rule ironically brought in at the whispered behest of the television people). Jonathan brandishes the metaphorical sword of truth on behalf of the vanquished and attempts to understand the psychology of their self-employed team members “Reading are determined to right the wrong of last season!”

If the spectacle served up on this unraceable track is pedestrian and processional but cunningly enough to make to you want to only watch speedway live, then the new BSI interval adverts take the art of commercials into uncharted territory. [Apparently there is some sort of speedway event held on an annual basis in Cardiff – can anyone supply details about this mysterious event?] John Postlethwaite’s creative team aren’t satisfied with the standards set by their path breaking homo-erotic speedway-riders-as-ASBO-youth adverts of 2006, but wish to challenge convention yet further in 2007 with a script apparently designed to instantly and spontaneously lobotomise the viewers and (doubtless sincere) cast of this ‘fun’ advert alike. Anyone who has had the misfortune to hear the National Home Buyers advert (catchphrase: “want to sell your home, we will buy your home”) will struggle to believe that 2007 could produce a worse or more annoying commercial. But with the Cardiff GP entry there is now real rivalry for the mantle of the most irritating advert of the year. The question that most springs to mind is who on earth is that Aussie so-called Leigh Adams fan? Come the revolution, he’s not going to last long but in the meantime he does a real disservice to the image of his country and speedway! He assaults us with his advocacy “wake up your senses” and spuriously claims, “British Grand Prix – it’s a white knuckle ride” (well maybe for the riders). It imitates a sound track stolen from Guantanamo Bay and is hardly likely to arrest the stable but managed decline of attendances in Cardiff since its 2002 high point. Some of the other real speedway fans assembled for the advert chant “we love it –so will you” [though it’s specially pronounced “wee vuf fit, so wil ewe”]. While Aussie man has his own ditty “”I love it – so will you” that’s surely enough to make people boycott the event in case they have the misfortune to sit near him. Though at least you get issued with earplugs inside the stadium. Blimey, it’s a relief to get back to Smallmead to watch the riders strung out like a line of washing throughout the night.

A love of meteorology continues when the action moves to the East of England showground and we frequently learn that it’s a bit parky (minus four wind chill, no less). Nonetheless, Kelvin manfully struggles to offer insightful analysis with his newfound toy of the green arrows though perhaps he could have borrowed some surplus snowflake motifs from the BBC weather people - now that they’ve revolutionised their maps - to add some more context. Jonathan remains so relentlessly hopeful throughout in the manner of someone on strong anti-depressants but, since its still too early in the season to have ratcheted up the hyperbole levels to kill, is a tad too honest when he hopes for better after “not the best of meetings last night”. Kelvin “can’t believe the Panthers will be as poor as last night” and, in the convictionless manner of the speaking clock, kindly informs the soon to be comatose armchair audience “there’s a lot riding on this, a lot of pride on it!” After a race he won with a cunning but well executed dramatic overtake, Greg Hancock lucky doesn’t again explain the thinking behind the helmet colours but after some wonderfully enthralling banter about the team goal of the “aggregate bonus point” offers the rather obvious insight “to win the meeting means two more points”. He then comes over all live interview Zen about the track “its best not to be too easy on it, sooo I guess we’ll not be too easy on it!”

Anything Greg can do Hans can do better – on the track at least – though in the interview afterwards it appears that both Abbey and Hans have communed with trees in order to get themselves into character for their insightful interview. However, it is an unintentionally entertaining nights television. Jonathan joins the fray with a rather gnomic “there’s Hans Andersen – such a key role” and Tony Millard, after he’s listened to some technical information from Kelvin, reveals a love of the Dada movement with his surreal “cold air – the engines love it, Chris, I wish I was an engine”. When interviewed Lukas Dryml sounds like an Eastern European version of Sylvester Stallone. Trevor Swales completely bamboozles everybody’s favourite referee Tony Steele with the apparently simple question “how did you arrive at that decision?” Tony has just studied the film of the crash Sky have kindly provided in order to deliberate long and hard to arrive at his decision for rational reasons that he outlines in a calm voice. Then, the worst nightmare of live television strikes, when he brain suddenly insists of the use of words it randomly chooses itself. “The track is yellow..” There’s then a pause that seems to go on for an eon as Tony sort of corpses on live television as his mind goes blank and brain whirrs violently in the search to find the correct word that’s not “yellow” but is in fact “sticky”. The correct word uttered, his cogency then immediately clicks back in and he’s soon back in full flow “I’m not going to stand there and say it was the easiest decision in the world”. Afterwards, Trevor continues Abbey’s ongoing education into the sport “that’s speedway, you’ve just got to get on with it!”

Though the visual presentation of speedway is wonderful and Sky have incredibly set high standards, there’s something kind of flat about watching the sport on telly compared to the real thing. People often say “ah – but you don’t get the replays” but then tonight when the most significant overtake of the night was that by Mark Lemon on the line in heat 6, we didn’t either since all we got was Chris Louis repeatedly explanation about the first lap action from three different angles. In fact you could argue that the modern penchant for fast clip editing and the virtuosity the Sky speedway editors have developed sometimes renders the replayed action almost unwatchable (this was also a complaint about their Christmas highlights programme that was dismissed as “too arty” in some quarters). However, with the Sky coverage, we do still get the benefit that we see behind the scenes but on a “freezing cold night” it’s not enough to stop me turning over to watch Life on Mars. Though I learn afterwards that I miss the exciting final few races that features some brave outside runs and thereby after 25 heats as numbing as the cold weather, the show arguably lives up to its own relentless hyperbole. I might have also missed Kelvin say “it’s a big ask” or Trevor Swales say “fair play to the other side” as is traditional on these occasions but these had been sadly absent up to the point I turned off.

19th March Reading v Peterborough
20th March Peterborough v Reading

New Eagles Blog Up and Running

My first official meeting as Writer in Residence at Eastbourne Speedway started with his drama with a confrontation between Nicki Pedersen and Craig Boyce.

To read my account of this and my other blogs click here

I was also fortunate to be interviewed as part of the Eagles press and practice day.

Fencing and an important tip on how to handle equipment

I have had a long-standing invitation from Graham Cooke to come along and help the Swindon Robins track team with their winter work on the Blunsdon track. When he said “fencing” I imagined that I might have to buy an epee or foil specially or even perhaps help with some stolen goods but apparently he meant the air variety. Graham is the author of arguably the most unique speedway Blog in the country – the Blunsdon Blog – that covers the trials and tribulations of the track team as they fight with the elements, the track and the staff that have responsibility for the greyhound. Well, more the battle with the sand that forms the grey hound track surface and how the rain makes it run and leech onto the hallowed shale surface. Not that I want to get too technical here as this has all been covered with humour in a wonderfully informative way by Graham on a week by week basis throughout the long winter months of the close season. It has become a hugely popular site and Graham informs me that traffic is an incredible average of 5,500 visitors per week to their home page (just the sort of numbers I’m incredibly envious of)! I’m keen to meet some of the characters that I’ve learnt about on the site and get to appreciate first hand the dedication, hard work and artisanesque levels of skill that goes into the maintenance, upkeep and creation of the Blunsdon track. It’s something that as speedway fans we almost take for granted. How can you have speedway without a track? Though we all know that this doesn’t necessarily mean that it will have been prepared to the exacting standards that the Swindon track curator Gerald Richter demands at Swindon (and Lakeside where he also works).


I think that some fans believe that the promoter just throws open the turnstiles of a race night, the tractor twirls round the track a few times and some lines are painted at the start gate and once the riders have got changed and warmed their bikes up then you’re just about ready to go. Graham has told me that they make an early start and I arrive along the foggy road that is the A420 from Oxford and then via the A419 (North) to Cirencester into the almost deserted but well coned car park of the Blunsdon Stadium before 8 am. A quick walk inside through the partially open gate reveals a totally locked up grandstand and an apparently deserted stadium. After a sit in my car and another brief foray inside I meet a bloke who cheerfully directs me down the road to the smaller sky blue painted gate that provides access to the pits. Apparently everyone will be there already. I quickly find that everyone has already assembled for an early morning hot drink and banter inside a hut by the pits. It’s a room of sufficient size to easily seat seven people, has space for more to stand as well as a table, sink, work benches – with an impressive display of mugs and a varied array of sandwiches boxes piled up for later by the track team - and a kettle. There are four framed speedway action photographs on the wall directly in front of the entry door and on the adjacent wall the famous Blunsdon calendar. This can be downloaded from the website and each month features a photograph (luckily clothed) of a member of the close-knit track team. Like the speedway season, it doesn’t run the full year and so only covers the months February to October. Though, that said some bloke in Cumbernauld hasn’t quite grasped this since he bombards Graham with emails saying that every time he downloads it, the months of November and December are missing.

I’m soon introduced to everyone in the hut and a friendly, unassuming group they are too. They remain completely unaffected by their new found notoriety on the Internet and Ernie makes the point to rib Graham about how news on the site about future work has got him in trouble with his wife (Rita) since he chose to spend his free time at the track rather than round the house or the shops. Like many people involved in many unsung tasks of the speedway world, they work without payment for a love of their club and the chance to be involved behind the scenes. Ernie Poole explains to me that the blokes who helped paint the changing rooms are mad keen Robins fans convinced that the 2007 season will see Elite League Championship success “and they know if we lift the trophy that they’ll be able to say that they played their own part in that too”.

All the regulars are here inside the hut mug of tea or coffee already in hand. There’s the legendary track curator Gerald Richter who’s presently incapacitated by his recent hernia operation – something that the rest of the crew correctly predict will definitely irritate him as he’s a man of action – and so ruefully tells me that he’ll “be standing in the sun watching” today in an accent that I could mistake for South African (when in fact he’s from Rhodesia/Zimbabwe). There’s the exceptionally hard working character Rod ‘Punch’ Ford whose age is variously put between 67 and 69. Whatever the exact number he has the confident demeanour and physique of a man younger than his years who’s unafraid of hard work. As if his work at the track wasn’t already enough he has also three giant sized allotments to tend to though he has yet to get to work on them “as it’s too wet up there”. John Nobbs is in his thirteenth season on the track staff at the club and is of the opinion “you know I can’t see us losing at home this season – not once”. The others are pretty confident also but reserve the right to look out for possible unexpected pitfalls through injury and mechanical failure. John tells me “on race day I’m on the tractor with Gerald blading the track between races”, while away from Blunsdon like many round this neck of the woods he’s a Swindon Town football Club fan as well as a machine operator for a recycling and quarrying company. Graham, the Blunsdon Blog Webmaster far better describes everyone in the track team with more insight and acuity than I ever could and so it is when it comes to himself in one of the early Blogs:

"The fact is that I am not used to manual work, having spent 25 years teaching at a Wiltshire Comprehensive school, the last few years of which were spent behind a desk as part of its management team. I now spend my time working as a ceramic artist, designing commercial web sites, resourcing and purchasing IT equipment for individuals and teaching basic IT skills to those unfamiliar with computers. None of these are physically demanding and I admit, I have become soft in middle age."

Graham’s work as a ceramic artist has its peaks and troughs, so the next day he will find himself “making 200 fingerbowls for an East Anglian restaurant chain” but he relishes the variety that his early retirement permits him.

Completing our small team today is the friendly Ernie Poole who has followed the Robins since 1974 when he was 17. He met his wife at the track and, apart from a couple of years when the kids were younger, has followed the club obsessively. “With me wife, son and daughter we never missed a meeting for two years in 2000 and 2001. I can really honestly say I’ve enjoyed myself here and met a lot of true friends through speedway. I love coming here and I tried for years to get on the ground staff here”. Demand for these voluntary positions is huge, not only for the closeness to the/your club but also for the involvement behind the scenes and the insight it confers. It’s definitely a case of dead man’s shoes at Blunsdon. Away from his work here – and he is a tireless, metronomic worker – Ernie is a HGV lorry driver, “if every I’ve got any tension or anger I just save it all up for here and put all that energy into some shovelling or hard graft. It’s wonderful in lots of ways here.”

When the talk of the tearoom isn’t the Robins prospects for the coming season we also get to learn quite a bit about the reinvigorated atmosphere and enthusiasm that has swept the organisation and outlook of the Lakeside Hammers where Gerald also works. He praises the newly formed partnership of owner Stuart Douglas and promoter Jon Cook, who he speaks exceptionally highly of for his energy, insight, pragmatism and commitment. Together they’ve been like a whirlwind in every department of the club and the future outlook looks extremely rosy. Not that Gerald doesn’t also acknowledge the huge contribution made to the club by Ronnie Russell “you couldn’t ask to meet anyone who knew so much about speedway and cared for the club so much – we’ll all miss him terribly. If there could be any criticism of Ronnie, and it sounds a silly thing to say, he was too nice sometimes. He had six different riders wanting six different track conditions and you can’t promise them that they’ll all be happy. The change in management is going to be good for the riders who’ve been there for ages too – Leigh Lanham rides the same line every race, its like he’s on rails, you could shut your eyes and still overtake him. In the past riders would be able to come in and say ‘its too wet’ but now Jon Cook won’t sympathise he’ll say ‘freak off out there and ride the track!’ Some riders are about to have the best years of their careers with him in charge. Hopefully this year we won’t suffer with injuries either. Last year we lost four riders in ten days – people said sign some more but where the freak are you supposed to find them, Ronnie looked but its easy to say not do – if that happens to Swindon they’ll finish bottom of the freaking league too!” One thing is for sure, in Gerald’s considered opinion, there’s a new enthusiasm at Lakeside that is really going to take the club places this and future seasons. “We want to beat everyone this season and with Jon around I think we can” even more interestingly as Gerald works at both tracks, “you know, I think the one he really wants to win is Swindon!”

When it comes to predictions of how other teams will fare in 2007 these come thick and fast. The consensus appears to be that either Ipswich or Belle Vue will snatch the wooden spoon, though they’re keen to tell me that they think Eastbourne won’t fare so well nor, perhaps, will Oxford. Incredulity is expressed that on the forums there is a ground swell of opinion that has Coventry as likely champions. I preach the gospel of a settled squad but this only gets a “yeh, but who’s going to really improve their averages?” My answer is their American not so secret weapon Billy Janniro though this gets the more elliptical response “maybe but it all depends which Billy turns up”.

We all troop outside where it’s a remarkably sunny morning and Gerald notes “the forecast was for rain today but I don’t freaking see any clouds”. I had already noted over the winter that Blunsdon was apparently twinned with Siberia – though today it was temporarily twinned with Barbados - and dressed according in strong boots, waterproof trousers (with long johns underneath) and numerous layers to protect against any wind chill. I’d also brought my trusty gloves worn with distinction these last couple of years at the Brighton Bonanza, plus I’d invested in some knee pads – not quite a la Martin Dugard but fit for purpose as they rarely say about the Home Office nowadays. I’d bought these as I’d gathered from the latest Blog entry that today’s task was most likely to be the back breaking nightmare that is fixing the kickboards to the air fence on bends one and two of the Blunsdon track. Once you get out and walk on the surface you appreciate how huge this circuit really is. I also gather how proud Gerald is of what has been achieved here, “this year we’ve used the motorway blade all winter – we started in October and we’ve been doing a bit every week and packing it down properly. I’m really really pleased with it this season [waves arms expansively], put a top dressing on and you won’t even see a different colour. Last year Reading borrowed the blade and returned it with the gears broken, they paid for it but it took months to get repaired so I couldn’t do all that I wanted. This year we could and it shows.”

By now we’ve arrived at the far end of the track from the pits – bends one and two – and I find myself in a small but perfectly formed gang that comprises Graham, Ernie, John and myself. Ernie professes great optimism unaware that I could potentially be a handicap to smooth progress through my innate cackhandedness, “this is great if we all work as a team, there’s more of us today, we’ll really be able to build up a pace and get it done quickly”. The “it” in question sounds simple enough – attach the kickboards to the air fence. In practical terms this means unfurling shale covered thick black rubber sheets from the pile in the nearby wheel barrow to then place them at the base of the air fence, which is itself studded with metal ringed holes through the length of each inflatable panel. These ringed holes, with the addition of another one drilled one inch away, will be used to attach the rubber kick boards to the air fence by the cunning use of cable ties. Though these are fiddly to attach since they require a pair of matching holes to be drilled in the kick board to then attach it via the cable tie to the actual base of the air fence. This requires a lot of bending down or work on your haunches as well as patience, strength and dexterity along with aptitude to ignore the cold wet gloop that is the shale surface on this part of the track after the previous few days torrential rain. There are 22 panels that form the Airtek (motto “working for British Speedway”) air fence for this particular bend all clipped snugly together in position and slowly starting to inflate. Well, it is now that Graham has staggered round with the incredibly heavy military looking generator that is the air pump itself, then filled it with petrol and fired up the noisy motor. The panels have been modified for this season with the addition of a bright yellow coloured inflatable base cushion that will adapt them sufficiently to overcome a previous design flaw. This will thereby make each section almost stand as tall and proud on race day - like Len Silver at the head of his rider parade – and so allow the rubber kick board to attach almost seamlessly to work much more effectively as a barrier to the shale deposits that rapidly accrues with each bike that broadsides past during the races.

I suggest that I would be best suited to the grunt work that requires little skill or patience so with Graham I get the task to unfurl and drag the kickboards into position by each panel. Ernie soon points out in jovial fashion that I somewhat lack common sense since rather than drag each of them greater and greater distances to place in position, I could transport them close by on the wheelbarrow I unload them from. Doh! He is already crouched at work with John in the slop that is the damp shale surface and alternates between use of the drill and the cable ties. Earlier I’d overheard them comment that Charlie Gjedde had borrowed a brand new battery powered drill but hadn’t treated this equipment in a respectful fashion and returned it in a somewhat battered condition. There was a collective tut and raised eyebrow that I gathered indicated that this was probably typical of the thoughtlessness of the breed. After a while we get into a rhythm with our individual tasks. Once I’ve laid out the kick boards, I drill the additional holes in the air fence, Ernie drills them in the altogether trickier and thicker surface of the kickboards, John inserts the cable ties and Graham tightens them. I definitely have the easiest task. For a break, I go back over their work and clip off the excess ends of the cable ties – this is the speedway equivalent of pruning the roses.

When we’re hard at work a cry goes up and I mistakenly hear them say, something about Norman Cook but instead it turns out to be Rosco. He chats animatedly to Punch for a while and I pop over and introduce myself. Rosco belies his slightly mardy reputation to be very friendly and welcoming though he’s clearly pigeonholed me as a vague representative of the Eastbourne Eagles rather than an independent minded writer. He jokes, “Have you come to sabotage our fence?” When I point to the entry to the first bend and say, “yeh, just there is where Nicki is gonna put your riders in the fence” he laughs and points to the second bend “nah, it’ll be over there” before he goes on to make a point to stress how much he respects and admirers (“I haven’t got a problem with him at all”) the Eagles Danish destroyer. The team banter with him and among themselves after he’s returned to the speedway office to make the first in a lengthy series of continuous mobile phone calls. “Whenever Terry Russell’s around he always says look what we’ve done!” Ernie relates a hilarious story about the stress levels everyone felt before Sky televised the World Cup at Swindon that has the punch line “I said to Rosco - stick a freaking brush up me arse and I’ll sweep the freaking pits for you too!” everyone is a joker at Blunsdon it seems and so it’s no surprise that bearded Robins senior Start Marshal Stan Potter has soon joined the track team for a bit of further banter that Ernie stops to bat off politely, fiddles with his tin of mini-cigars but resists before he carries on with his painstaking work.

Another unexpected nuisance that has hampered the steady state approach to the work round the stadium over the winter has been the arrival of giant moles in the form of a phalanx of archaeologists who proceeded to dig trenches pretty well everywhere. Four were dug on the centre green, another took up the entire length of the pits yard and car park and these were joined by another set of two elsewhere in the car park. Scotching rumours from rival clubs that this site is so old that the last trophy won by the club was buried at the stadium, it transpires that apparently Blunsdon is the site of an ancient burial ground – well a Roman or pre-Roman burial site – of some interest to archaeologists. The council were spurred into action by the immanent closure and redevelopment of the stadium to hire Cotswold Archaeology to conduct a survey on their behalf. Their interest in the local heritage that is possibly buried hereabouts has been spurred by other very visible developments in the nearby area, which includes the extensive workings of what will ultimately become the Blunsdon bypass and also the giant Motorola building that has been erected. The company logo dominates the horizon sightline, though the building itself looks much more like a remand centre than anything that approaches delightful office space. Still it’s handy for the speedway this season! Initially Graham thought that the sudden appearance of the trenches on the centre green were part of an elaborate joke concocted by Punch but the sight of some almost clichéd archaeologists on a dig soon persuaded him of the earnestness of their intent. Sadly, the site had long been desecrated when the stadium was originally constructed in 1948 so all they found for their troubles was the random detritus that the bulldozers and levelling work originally created (and buried). The track staff had taken some quiet satisfaction when one day in torrential rain they watched a “lank haired youth dressed in trainers, jeans and t shirt but no coat – your typical archaeology student” continued to dig with great persistence while his trench rapidly filled with water. He eventually abandoned the task and when asked ‘ did you find anything?’ replied “nah, only trench foot”. Unfortunately, though the trenches have been filled, the centre green still bears the scars of the excavation and remains slightly hazardous to walk across. Graham confides, “it’s still a mess and we’re unlikely to do anything with the training track this season.”

A subject much closer to Graham’s heart is the vexed problem of the sand that leeches from the greyhound track onto the track surface. He has been politely asked by Rosco to tone down his comments on the competence of the greyhound track maintenance people but clearly struggles to remain diplomatic about their attitude and approach. To be fair, they do seem to wilfully ignore the work on the drainage and gullies that have been put in by the speedway track staff (“we dug a channel to run rainwater off the greyhound track and down to the centre green where it can do what it likes to that surface”) and resolve any loss of sand by piling the stuff ever higher to combat this shrinkage. Sand and shale don’t mix at all. In fact, “their sand runs off over the track – it’s washed off every week – the water runs through but the sand is deposited throughout the shale. This stops the shale binding. This a real problem in the corners as the riders hit the corner at full revs, kick into the corner and, as they are hitting an area of weakness in the surface, they’re literally bouncing when the shale comes away in cakes. So the bike goes down, grips, bounces and lands again and, last season, the track couldn’t cope with the speeds. Leigh flew into the fence last year cos of it and broke all the spokes in his wheel!”

Back in the tea room, Gerald is ensconced on his chair with a copy of this weeks Speedway Star (“there’s a photo of Rosco in it this week – so it’s half price!”) in his hand, close by to the container of cakes that the friendly and helpful Shirley - the club tea lady and the behind the scenes powerhouse - has brought along to tempt the hungry and thirsty track workers and Rosco, who affects some introductions “this is the legendary Shirls – well that’s what they call her on the Internet!” As you’d expect the news that there is in the Star attracts comment, “what is it with this Daniel King thing? Peterborough say one thing and Ipswich another – they both can’t be right!” News that the Reading programme has been voted the best of 2006 is greeted with some incredulity but some resignation though still some pride that Swindon tied joint second with Somerset. There is an element of an apples with onions comparison here in final points scores awarded by the Speedway Star reviewer with excellent looking Reading version judged to be worth a mark of 980 points (with 20 points lost for the “Quality/Racecard”) and the Swindon version 945 points (with 25 points lost for “page paragraphing” and 15 points for both “Visitors” and “Design”). Something that immediately sprang to my mind is that not only is the Bulldogs programme 20% more expensive – so cost an additional £10 or five Swindon issues extra during the season – but a meeting I attended used an ‘old’ programme with a less impressive insert, though this is a common customer unfriendly ‘Spanish custom’ practiced throughout the sport. Still, the anonymous reviewer has to make decisions/distinctions based on the actual issue of the programme placed in front of them – though perhaps another year price and/or value for money could replace or be added to some of the more recondite categories.


With the break all too soon over again and as we walk back to the track, Graham confides the pride and fastidiousness with which Gerald prepares the track and areas of the stadium for which he is responsible. “It has to look good as well as be good! He takes huge pride in his work and it’ll be doing his head in that he can’t work as normal today cos of his operation. Punch and I try to work to his standards. By the way, Punch loves to drive the JCB, once he’s in there you can’t get him out though you’ve got to be a little wary of him in the JCB – the power steering doesn’t work, the brakes judder and it often violently veers to one side”. I make a mental note to keep a close eye on Punch when he’s in the vehicle as I don’t fancy getting run over. Later when Punch works with the energy and strength of a much younger man shovelling gravel at the first bend curb, Ernie asks “how many other freaking 69 year olds could you imagine doing that? He’s unbelievable! He doesn’t know when to stop sometimes though. I worked with him one time and we shovelled all day and I just about kept up with him. My hands came up in huge blisters whereas his were without a mark. He said ‘you gripped that too tightly, hold the shovel like you would if you were, you know, w**king’ It’s advice I’ve never forgot!”

Another vehicle that makes it onto the track for an outing is Gerald’s silver BMW. He drives round and round the circuit - hugging the white line - in an effort to further tyre pack down the surface and find something that he can usefully do. Never judge a book by its cover and in my brief conversations with him I quickly learn that to pigeonhole him as a track curator would be to seriously underestimate his background, skills and experiences. Before I leave he outlines a brief history of his speedway life that includes track curation, 12 years as a referee, the resurrection of a derelict track in South Africa (Walkersville) plus he also ran his own Insurance and Financial brokerage company. No wonder Stuart and Jon at Lakeside have ensured that he continues to be involved with the marketing, branding and promotion of the Thurrock based club. He’s also not frightened of hard work or a full week. Just as well really since Monday and Tuesday finds him at Lakeside, while Wednesday and Thursday are taken with work at Blunsdon before Friday night it’s Lakeside again before he returns to Swindon (where he lives) on Saturday. It’s not uncommon for him to be at Blunsdon over the weekend as well. Many people underestimate what the level of work is that’s required to create the ideal racing surface.

Our work on the kickboards is drawn to a premature end - with the additional help of Roy who saw the first ever meeting at Blunsdon in 1949 when his father took him and, impressively, has been a loyal Robins fan ever since - when we start to run out of cable ties, so under Ernie’s expert guidance we have to improvise and only attach alternate holes. Gerald notes sardonically, “it’ll be another temporary job that’ll last the whole season”. Nonetheless we’ve attached the kickboards to 14 sections of air fence and, for the statistically minded, each section has an average of 13 cable ties that have to be laboriously attached by hand. When you consider the sheer size and surface area of the air fence here on both bends at Blunsdon, this is a mammoth task. Though we could have finished the job on the first and second bends should more cable ties have been available. The remainder of this particular job will be completed on Saturday and there won’t be a shortage of alternative tasks for those so minded to volunteer. Talk turns to who exactly will be the first rider to test the cushioning effect of this safety feature at Blunsdon. Gerald’s in no doubts, “the first in will be freaking Bager or Gjedde!”

Back in the tea room the cast of helpers has increased further but Shirls flutters capably about to ensure that everyone has some refreshment and is well looked after. Sadly I have to desert the crew so don’t get the chance to join Graham – or Punch as he works like a man possessed - in an archaeological dig of his own (with shovel gripped in the correct manner under the expert tutelage of Punch) on the first and second bends where further work is required to “top dress” the drains with shingle and stones. I haven’t helped that much really though everyone kindly claims that I have done so. However, I do have a much greater appreciation of the sheer difficulty and complexity involved in speedway track preparation. I also know how lucky the Swindon management and riders are to have such a hard working crew of volunteers to ensure that these and so many other thankless tasks get completed with good cheer and considerable élan. I would almost say that I can’t wait to get back there next week to help these lovely people some more…

For Graham's account of this day at Blunsdon go here