Fine tuning of confidential 2008 restructuring plan revealed

Rumours in the Speedway Star claim that a three-league structure for next year could be dictated by attendance figures. It has been mooted that there would be nine teams in each league those with
Attendances greater than 1000
Attendances greater than 750
Attendances greater than 500

It’s a plan that raises more questions than it answers, particularly for those clubs where their ambitions lead them to claim to be in a certain league when the turnstile receipts are lower. Perhaps, the attendance figures declared to the tax authorities would be the one used to determine the ‘real’ average attendance?

However, a later draft plan to rather sophisticatedly fine tune this proposal has fallen into my hands and further additional qualifying criteria questions will be used to determine the actual final composition of which club appears in which league.

Each team has to answer these questions and adjust their initial provisional total of fans (500, 750 or 1000) accordingly. They can also choose to exempt themselves from two questions under the tactical questions rule.

The promoter is an ex-rider (gain 20 fans)
You have ludicrous home advantage (lose 50 fans)
The promoter is an avid user of hair care products (lose 25 fans)
The promoter has a beard (gain 75 fans)
The team kevlars look nice (gain 5 fans)
Promoter officially owns two clubs (lose 20 fans)
Your track curatorial team are wanted b y other clubs (gain 50 fans)
Promoter unofficially owns two clubs (lose 40 fans)
Promoter drew up plans for the future organisation (lose 15 fans)
Promoter sits on BSPA committee (gain 1 fan)
The promoter is a senior citizen (lose 30 fans)
You have two starting gate mechanisms (gain 40 fans)
You own your own stadium (gain 50 fans)
Your promoter gives a totally unbelievable excuse for defeat/meeting postponement (gain 10 fans)
There are photos of the riders in the pits (lose 25 fans)
The promoter combines the roles of presenter and photographer (gain 60 fans)
The presenter thinks the fans come to see him (lose 80 fans)
The presenter tells unfunny jokes (lose 60 fans)
The presenter is intentionally funny (gain 20 fans)
Your riders think a wheelie is entertainment (lose 10 fans)
The riders stay to sign autographs for fans after the meeting (gain 30 fans)
Air horns are banned (lose 15 fans)
You change race night (lose 70 fans)
Your riders go through the motions (lose 50 fans)
You have a free car park (add 30 fans)
You pay £1 to park (lose 50 fans)
You club has always had the same race night (gain 50 fans)
The promoter has a sports car (lose 90 fans)
The announcer/presenter sounds suicidal (gain 10 fans)
The promoter refuses to wear a BSPA jacket on race day (lose 40 fans)
The track is as rough as sin (lose 30 fans)
Your promoter has a dispute with your landlord (lose your stadium)
The promoter talks a good game on Sky (gain 10 fans)
Your star rider consistently fails to show for tenuous reasons (lose 100 fans)
Consistently learn the star rider isn’t riding when inside the stadium (lose 30 fans)
The promoter has owned a series of failed companies (lose 50 fans)
Your sponsor has a silly name (gain 20 fans)
Your superstar rider always turns up and gives their all (gain 20 fans)
Your club is about to move to a new purpose built stadium (gain 10 fans)
Your club has planning permission to run in another stadium (gain 50 fans)
Your promoter loves to issue legal threats (lose 50 fans)
Your team line up changes every week (lose 25 fans)
The meeting announcer bares their bottom (gain 40 fans)
Your sponsor sells products you think no one buys (lose 20 fans)
The stadium is in town (gain 50 fans)
The promoter exploits the rules to win (gain 10 fans)
The track shop has a mug with the name of least capable rider (gain 30 fans)
Your riders really give their all (gain 60 fans)
You no longer have a consistent race night (lose 40 fans)
The promoter moans about the rules (lose 50 fans)
The team manager appears in ignorance of the rules (lose 25 fans)
Fans can watch from the comfort of their cars inside the stadium (gain 15 fans)
The promoter fears technology, particularly the internet (lose 30 fans)
The stadium is outside city limits (lose 90 fans)
Your riders have unpronounceable names (gain 5 fans)
The programme costs £2.50 (lose 50 fans)
Your club has a great tradition (gain 20 fans) but hasn’t won anything for years (lose 50 fans)
Your catering is edible (gain 5 fans)
Promoter comes from a public service background (lose 100 fans)
Promoter comes from private business background (gain 5 fans)
Promoter has no public signs of ego (gain 30 fans)
Promoter has a wealth of promoting experience (gain 20 fans)
The promoter loved the club as a child (gain 25 fans)
The promoter loved the club as a rider (gain 45 fans)
The promoter secretly loved the club from a far (lose 20 incredulous fans)
Your team prefers to win rather than entertain (lose 30 fans)
Your riders love to race (gain 70 fans)
Your start girls dress nicely but suggestively (gain 50 fans)
The music comes from a fairground (lose 75 fans)
The music comes from the 70s and features Led Zep or ELP (gain 50 fans)
Garden chairs are welcomed (gain 30 fans)
You have a successfully community initiative (gain 100 fans)
Food not bought on the premises is banned (lose 60 fans)
Your club includes a future British World Champion (gain 120 fans)
Your riders come to the bar afterwards (gain 30 fans)
Your riders come to the bar afterwards and buy own drinks (gain 20 fans)
The referees box is over the finish line (gain 20 fans)
You club doesn’t appear on Sky (150 fans)
The promoter brings the marketing disciplines of another industry to bear even though they didn’t work elsewhere either (lose 75 fans)
Kids go for a pound or free (gain 5 fans)
You have new tractors (gain 2 fans)
The club volunteers get thanked (gain respect)
Adverts in the programme outweigh other copy (lose 30 fans)
The club website has been refreshed in the last 12 months (lose 20 fans)
Your club has no website (lose 30 fans)
Your club website contains critical comments not just PR puffs (gain 100 fans)
Your club has a supporters club (gain 30)
Your promoter rarely bans people from the stadium (gain 10 fans)
The promoter moans about reduced attendances (lose 25 fans)
You have away coach trips (gain 30 fans)
You run a free bus to home meetings in the local area (gain 8 fans)
You have a cuddly mascot who gives away sweets (gain 25 young fans)
The stadium is accessible by public transport in both directions (gain 30 fans)
Reports of the meeting you attend bear no relation to your experience (lose 25 fans)
Your rider’s race in the rain (gain 20 fans)

These questions should ensure that the final composition of the 2008 revised speedway league structure matches the present overall lived experience and ensure that a camel is, indeed, a race horse designed by a committee